Hot news item just in!!
-----------------------
International Foundation for Gender Education
272 Carroll St. NW
Washington, DC 20012
Contact: Andrea von Kaenel
Email: Andrea@IFGE.org
For Public Release
September 6, 2009
IFGE is pleased to announce that it’s 24th annual conference will be held in the Washington DC area for 2010. The IFGE Capital Conference 2010 will run from April 22nd – through April 25th, 2010, at the Hilton Alexandria Mark Center – 5000 Seminary Road, Alexandria, VA. A full schedule of seminars, keynote speakers, events, meals and entertainment is being planned.
A special hotel room rate of $139 per night has been arranged with the Hilton Alexandria Mark Center for the duration of the IFGE Capital Conference 2010. This special rate is well below current room rates for similar hotel properties in the Washington DC area. To receive this special rate, you must call the hotel reservations department directly at 703-845-1010 and request the group rate for “IFGE” – or – use the following special website:
http://www.hilton.com/en/hi/groups/personalized/DCAAHHF-IFGE-20100421/index.jhtml
IFGE is a non-profit advocacy organization founded in 1987, devoted to promoting acceptance for Transgender people everywhere through education. For more information about IFGE’s Capital Conference 2010, please email us at the address above, or visit www.ifge.org/2010.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Here' something interesting I didn't predict...
Okay, so, I went back to work last Monday, as Jude. I've been coordinating with the company since last November, and this went smoothly, just like pretty much everything else has. Got a new picture badge with my new name first thing that morning, and they changed my email and internal web page by Tuesday morning. very cool. all of that went just fine.
So, work was the last place I showed up as Jude. I had been going to the bank, grocery stores, all over everywhere else ever since surgery (Aug 12), maybe a bit before, so, with work settled, I guess that makes me officially full time.
The only hiccup was that the county circuit court lost my first set of name change papers, so I had to resubmit last week, and so the legal part is a bit behind schedule, but that hasn't caused any severe problems yet.
Had my first therapist session since surgery this afternoon. She was very impressed with the surgery results (okay, will get a pic up), and we talked a lot about how odd it can be to realize you're full time and that you've actually transitioned after all this time.
Now, on all the receipts for years now, she's been putting the DSM code for GID - Gender Identity Disorder. She commented near the end of the session that she has to reconsider whether that's still an appropriate diagnosis now that I'm full time. That perhaps I don't meet the criteria for it anymore. I find that hilarious and amazing at the same time.
So, work was the last place I showed up as Jude. I had been going to the bank, grocery stores, all over everywhere else ever since surgery (Aug 12), maybe a bit before, so, with work settled, I guess that makes me officially full time.
The only hiccup was that the county circuit court lost my first set of name change papers, so I had to resubmit last week, and so the legal part is a bit behind schedule, but that hasn't caused any severe problems yet.
Had my first therapist session since surgery this afternoon. She was very impressed with the surgery results (okay, will get a pic up), and we talked a lot about how odd it can be to realize you're full time and that you've actually transitioned after all this time.
Now, on all the receipts for years now, she's been putting the DSM code for GID - Gender Identity Disorder. She commented near the end of the session that she has to reconsider whether that's still an appropriate diagnosis now that I'm full time. That perhaps I don't meet the criteria for it anymore. I find that hilarious and amazing at the same time.
Monday, August 31, 2009
First Day At Work
Okay, well, so,...
Today is my first day at the office as Jude. And I'm about 19 days post FFS. Things have gone very smoothly so far, pretty quietly actually. Got a new photo ID badge first thing, it now says "Jude" instead of my old guy name, and has a new picture of course. The name/pic will be updated on the internal corporate website soon.
Folks are saying I look great, one guy didn't recognize me (but he's only been here a couple of months so that's excusable). I'm being told that it's likely more folks won't recognize me -- I find that hard to believe, but the evidence seems to point that way. Odd.
Have not had a horde of folks dropping by to visit - more like one or two. I think we're all just busy, which is fine. I couldn't take more days at the house, with needy little doggies (who are very lovable, but... ;-)
Rather interesting, I must say. So, this is what post-transition is like.... ;-)
Later gators
Today is my first day at the office as Jude. And I'm about 19 days post FFS. Things have gone very smoothly so far, pretty quietly actually. Got a new photo ID badge first thing, it now says "Jude" instead of my old guy name, and has a new picture of course. The name/pic will be updated on the internal corporate website soon.
Folks are saying I look great, one guy didn't recognize me (but he's only been here a couple of months so that's excusable). I'm being told that it's likely more folks won't recognize me -- I find that hard to believe, but the evidence seems to point that way. Odd.
Have not had a horde of folks dropping by to visit - more like one or two. I think we're all just busy, which is fine. I couldn't take more days at the house, with needy little doggies (who are very lovable, but... ;-)
Rather interesting, I must say. So, this is what post-transition is like.... ;-)
Later gators
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Post FFS #1
Hey,
So, I had facial surgery last Wednesday. Or, should I say, we had it, as it does impact the whole extended family. So, here’s the updates, divided into sections:
What the Doctor did
How It Feels, What It Looks Like
Impacts on Loved Ones & Family.
What the Doctor did
Basically, an enhanced face lift. Starting at the top and working down…
Two small incisions along the hairline, either side of center, to do a brow lift.
Upper eyelids – incisions along the length of each upper eyelid to remove excess, leaves a cleaner look
Lower eyelids – pretty much the same. Lowers are still covered in tape that runs across the upper cheeks.
Facelift: incisions in the sideburn area and behind the ears, pulled the skin back along the entire cheek area. I have staples and incisions in the hair.
Nose: Incisions in the nostrils – to reduce the “bulb” look I had at the end of my nose, make it not so prominent.
Upper lip: Incision along the bottom edge of the nose, to pull the center upper lip upwards – women have a smaller space tween nose and upper lip. Incisions along the outer edge of the upper lip – about ½”, ¾” on each side, pull the upper edge of the lip up, balances the center pull.
Neck: lipo and reduction of the second chin and lots of extra stuff under there. Incision is right behind my chin.
The surgery was 8 am Wednesday morning, and lasted for 6 hours. Sweety took me home at some point that afternoon after they released me from recovery. The swelling set in at some point the next day, and got worse through Friday. It seemed to be a bit better Saturday morning, and is reduced more today (Sunday), which is pretty much the schedule the docs projected.
How It Feels, What It Looks Like
The first day or so, it pretty much sucked. Things are tight, sore, parts don’t move that well. I don’t particularly like how the serious painkiller (Percocet) makes me feel, so I’ve been relying more on Motrin, which seems to actually work pretty well. I seem to be alert for a bit, like an hour, then suddenly I conk out for an hour or so. That’s improving day to day, I seem to be much better on stamina today (Sunday).
I’m putting a bunch of pictures down below. If you don’t like looking at pictures like this, skip, I won’t be offended. Really. I’ve had Sweety taking pictures every day.
Impacts on Loved Ones & Family.
Well, Sweety has had to look at me all day every day. She’s stayed right by my side till Saturday morning, when she went to clinic for a few hours – and she arranged for our friend (and acupuncturist) Beth to come and sit with me for the morning. The kids (my son Tom – 17, and daughter Kate, 21) both came by on Thursday (I think it was Thursday), but didn’t stay long. Kate headed back to college town Saturday and I saw her for a bit before she left, and Tom is back over for a few days. They don’t seem particularly bothered – but I can’t help wondering what it’s like to see one's parent’s face get changed like this. Or one’s partner’s face. I worry about how this will affect family relationships, long term, it’s the kind of thing I wonder about. Worry about too, I guess. On the one hand, they’re all incredible people, and if anyone can handle it, it’s them. On the other hand, I feel like I’m imposing a lot of stuff on them…. They’ve been completely supportive, and I owe them so much. I will care for them the rest of my life, a new life that they’ve helped me achieve.
So, I had facial surgery last Wednesday. Or, should I say, we had it, as it does impact the whole extended family. So, here’s the updates, divided into sections:
What the Doctor did
How It Feels, What It Looks Like
Impacts on Loved Ones & Family.
What the Doctor did
Basically, an enhanced face lift. Starting at the top and working down…
Two small incisions along the hairline, either side of center, to do a brow lift.
Upper eyelids – incisions along the length of each upper eyelid to remove excess, leaves a cleaner look
Lower eyelids – pretty much the same. Lowers are still covered in tape that runs across the upper cheeks.
Facelift: incisions in the sideburn area and behind the ears, pulled the skin back along the entire cheek area. I have staples and incisions in the hair.
Nose: Incisions in the nostrils – to reduce the “bulb” look I had at the end of my nose, make it not so prominent.
Upper lip: Incision along the bottom edge of the nose, to pull the center upper lip upwards – women have a smaller space tween nose and upper lip. Incisions along the outer edge of the upper lip – about ½”, ¾” on each side, pull the upper edge of the lip up, balances the center pull.
Neck: lipo and reduction of the second chin and lots of extra stuff under there. Incision is right behind my chin.
The surgery was 8 am Wednesday morning, and lasted for 6 hours. Sweety took me home at some point that afternoon after they released me from recovery. The swelling set in at some point the next day, and got worse through Friday. It seemed to be a bit better Saturday morning, and is reduced more today (Sunday), which is pretty much the schedule the docs projected.
How It Feels, What It Looks Like
The first day or so, it pretty much sucked. Things are tight, sore, parts don’t move that well. I don’t particularly like how the serious painkiller (Percocet) makes me feel, so I’ve been relying more on Motrin, which seems to actually work pretty well. I seem to be alert for a bit, like an hour, then suddenly I conk out for an hour or so. That’s improving day to day, I seem to be much better on stamina today (Sunday).
I’m putting a bunch of pictures down below. If you don’t like looking at pictures like this, skip, I won’t be offended. Really. I’ve had Sweety taking pictures every day.
Impacts on Loved Ones & Family.
Well, Sweety has had to look at me all day every day. She’s stayed right by my side till Saturday morning, when she went to clinic for a few hours – and she arranged for our friend (and acupuncturist) Beth to come and sit with me for the morning. The kids (my son Tom – 17, and daughter Kate, 21) both came by on Thursday (I think it was Thursday), but didn’t stay long. Kate headed back to college town Saturday and I saw her for a bit before she left, and Tom is back over for a few days. They don’t seem particularly bothered – but I can’t help wondering what it’s like to see one's parent’s face get changed like this. Or one’s partner’s face. I worry about how this will affect family relationships, long term, it’s the kind of thing I wonder about. Worry about too, I guess. On the one hand, they’re all incredible people, and if anyone can handle it, it’s them. On the other hand, I feel like I’m imposing a lot of stuff on them…. They’ve been completely supportive, and I owe them so much. I will care for them the rest of my life, a new life that they’ve helped me achieve.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Help Pass ENDA!
Hi folks,
This is about the Employee Non Discrimination Act - ENDA for short.
Jillian Wiess, Trangender Workplace Diversity is working to get us to pressure legislators to vote in favor
"Please repost this message: S 1584, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, needs 16 more votes. Here's the math and the contact info you need to pass ENDA: http://bit.ly/r7qrO "
the link will let you see where your local legislators stand. Please tell your folks to help pass this.
Thanks
-Jude
Friday, July 17, 2009
July 16 is Officially "Out Day"! (**edit**)
Okay, here’s the report on the day. (This is the story of me coming out at work - this was the culmination of planning with my management/HR since last November, and also I owe lots to my wonderful wife and a ton of good friends who were with me thru this whole thing)
The morning meeting was at 9, it was our department meeting. We had pretty low attendance this time, maybe only a dozen folks out of 30.
They always start with congrats and kudos that folks have achieved over the last 2 months. And Martha, the department head, starts off and calls my name!! (my guy name, but, since the news isn’t out yet, that’s cool) I get a Special Achievement award (nicely framed, and does come with a small $$) I’ve been doing a lot more stuff around the department the last few months (mothering instinct?) And Sheila, my group lead, gets one too! So, that was a really a great start.
So, we have a couple of other folks talking technical stuff, and I sneak out to meet my wife Susan and our friend Denise, who is actually also the consultant the company has hired, since Denise is Executive Director of IFGE (www.ifge.org). Along with the division head (Martha’s boss) and Cheryl from HR that I’ve been working with for 7 months.
So, Martha introduces me, and I nervously introduce Susan, our friend Denise (“from an organization to be named later”), and of course the VP and Cheryl. Then I start. “Normally, we keep our personal lives separate from work, however, this is one time when they overlap” and dove right in from there. I’m transsexual, I’m changing in August/September, what the new name will be. A bit more discussion, which I realize I can’t remember at all right now, and we move to Denise, who does a great presentation on the differences between sex, gender and orientation, and the issues involved with trans folk in the workplace.
There were a few questions, like, how did I settle on the name “Judith/Jude”, but very respectful, although a lot of folks were either puzzled or confused. Several folks complemented me on honesty and courage. Many asked whether I wanted to be called Jude immediately – I really hadn’t thought about that part. If they want to, fine, or they can wait till I get back in September.
Right after the meeting, I had an email all set up with my letter. I thought I had it set up to send it to the department folks and friends first, with a second letter set up for the project team I’m supporting (who aren’t in my department). Well, I went up and sent that first letter. Cheryl (HR) was waiting for that, and then did a Reply All and included the letter from the Division Head stating the company’s support and expectations on how I’m to be treated, which was cool.
Several of us then went to lunch – me, Susan, Denise, Cheryl, and about 4 others from the department. It was pretty cool. One fellow had stories of other trans folks he’s known, so all was cool.
We hung out for a bit, then we had the meeting schedule with the project team to tell them. The meeting started, pretty much the younger members of the team, and we covered a lot of technical points and things we as a team have to do, which was cool. I had told them I wanted to talk about some other issues after the technical part. So, time came, I brought the other folks in (Susan, Denise, Cheryl, and another HR person), and broke my news, and they all said “yeah, we know, you sent us the email earlier”. Dar. I had apparently merged the address lists of my 1st and 2nd email lists, so had outed myself a couple of hours early. Nobody cared, they took it in stride, all done.
Back to my office with Susan, I checked my email, and had gotten about 12 congrats messages, which I appreciated. One good friend from down the hall (my department) did come by and expressed the sentiment that he did feel like he was losing a friend, and wasn’t sure he could handle it in his own head. I hope we can talk and get him around this, cause he’s a neat guy.
We took off, ended up going out to dinner and hunting for a place to get my other (right side) ear pierced. I’ve had only the left one pierced for quite a while now (3 years? we’ve been working on this longer than that). Finally ended up at Claire’s at Tysons mall, and we were home by 9 pm.
I sent out emails then from the home account to other friends, some neighbors, and my private chef clients. There’s one friend, and I was worried about his reaction. We worked together very closely for about 6, 7 years in the mid 90s and have stayed in touch since then. He’s younger than me, and recently lost his wife to lung cancer, leaving him with the 2 young boys.
Done.
[Story number two: A very good friend, who's on the same path, is in the middle of this whole mess, and came out to her parents yesterday. She'd been very, very worried about it, and Susan and I had recommended she come out to them. She did, they were very accepting, Mom even gave her some of her clothes that didn't fit Mom anymore. I am so glad they accepted her, otherwise, Susan and I sure would've had egg on our faces... ;-)
I talked to our friend that nite, and she officially declared July 16 as "Out Day". So shall it be. ]
Got some responses this morning, including my friend who lost his wife. All good, willing to roll with things, including the private chef clients, which is cool.
Now, to get on with life. Kitchen needs to be cleaned up, and I need to do some cooking. Talk to you all later.
It’s a Beautiful Day!
*** edit ***
this was actually the cool part. So, at the start of the meeting, I get this certificate of Special Achievement or something, and it's made out to "Mike Bienvenu". Thanks, nice to be appreciated and all that. Then I do my part, we talk about all the trans stuff, and then Martha speaks up and says "and actually, I have this other copy of the award with your real name on it", and she hands me a copy of the award and this time it says "Judith Bienvenu".
How cool is that. Frickin' awesome. ;-)
I want to emphasize how much credit is owed to my lovely supportive wife, who has been with me through all of this, helped me maintain sanity and a steady course, and not rush and ruin things. I wish we all had such a coach. And someone who will stay with us and make life really worthwhile. Thanks my love.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I got interviewed at Capital Pride!
Hi everybody,
Well, our group, TGEA, was at the Capital Pride festival in June (we were also at the Capital Trans Pride the weekend before).
There was this guy wandering around with a cameraman, and asked if he could interview us -- myself and the secretary of our group, Katherine. He finally got the video posted up to YouTube, so, here you go!
I am not happy about his caption - he says he's familiar with LGBT issues, yet he used male pronouns for me. We're sensitive about that kind of thing. I've complained to him already, let's see if he changes it.
I'll post the other one with Katherine soon.
-Jude
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